The People Who Hurt Us the Most in Life Are Our Greatest Catalysts For Change

Light and Dark Point To Our Wholeness

What we know to be Light is because Darkness has taken us on a journey to truly experience what our Light feels like.  Darkness is the iron that sharpens the iron of Light.  We cannot separate the two or deny that we are both. 

To continue to sharpen our understanding of the truth, conflict and what we consider "dark" is what causes us to evolve.   

Our Greatest Villains Are our Greatest Benefactors

The people who hurt us the most in life are our greatest catalyst for change. They force us into a death, hence, causing us to go through a rebirth.  This rebirth, helps us arrive to a new identity that is a huge vibrational upgrade from the version of ourselves we find the courage to leave behind.  

Our villains are the ones that help us strip away our false masks.  If we look at them for who they are, mirrors of our shadow side, our villains in our life story become our greatest benefactors. 

Our shadow sides are the aspects of ourselves we are unaware of and furthermore, unwilling to accept and integrate into a complete concept of ourselves.  To do this we need to understand that we are a range of things both good and bad.  

Traits we are proud of and traits we can’t stand to accept about ourselves. Our villains are here to show us our shadow sides by mirroring what we unconsciously do.  If we learn to see them this way, we can finally recognize what we are unconscious about.

Our Curse Has In It Our Greatest Gift

The ego is the only one who judges these so called “bad” traits.  The complete self, or our higher awareness, understands that without the thorns, we can’t be the beautiful rose.  

The extent to which we can judge and hate a person demonstrates our capacity, to the same degree, to love and have compassion for others.  The extent to which we can be self-absorbed is the extent to which we can also be present with another and take a deep interest in who they are.  The extent to which we can hurt someone is the extent to which we can heal them as well.  It is the flip side of the same coin. This is once that energy is reversed through self exploration and self integration.

What this means is that we need to TRUST who we are.  We are built for greatness irrespective of our current state of being.  

Society Blocks Our Integration

Now that we know that all of our “good” personality traits have their equal and opposite trait inside us, it makes it easier to express whatever side you are currently experiencing, because the presence of one points to the presence of the other.  We can't be good without being bad and we can't be bad without being good.  However, society only makes room for only the “good” and shames our “bad” and that is why we are all in denial of the so called “bad” traits.

When we don’t have a place to explore and integrate our “bad” energies, they manifests in our collective consciousness in the form of wars, rap, violence, discrimination, etc.  What we don’t expose and express about ourselves, has no chance to heal.  That is why we all need to openly talk about what hurts and authentically express where we are at, in short, become more uncensored and more transparent.       

We Only Attract What We Are A Match To

If we look at the Law of Vibration or the Law of Attraction, it simply states that we attract into our lives our vibrational match.  We attract who we ARE, not who we’d like to believe we are.  This is the tricky part.  Again, this requires the capacity to be honest enough to see ourselves fully, and not as we’d like to see through our rose colored glasses.  It requires us to see the objective reality of who we are actually showing up as to the rest of the world and being matched up with.

So, if we have vibrationally matched up with someone, say a lover, parent, mentor or a friend and now we are experiencing sides of them we dislike, the best medicine for the pain that is created between us is to ask ourselves squarely, “how is this person a direct mirror of me?”, “what do I have in common with this person that I am failing to see?” “what hidden aspects of me are they reflecting back to me?”.

The Entire World Exists Inside Us

The world that exists outside is a mere reflection of our inside, search no further.  It is a precisely reflected demonstration of what we practice inside with or without knowing.  

If we accept everyone as fragmented parts of ourselves, we then actually have the chance to make real, lasting, and profound changes that can completely alter both our individual and the common collective reality.  This invites the opportunity to use everyone we come across as a person that can bring us better insight into ourselves.

As long as we point the finger outside of ourselves, our own unconsciousness about our  “negative” traits continues to live and grow within us, undetected, and never given the opportunity to be transmuted into greater levels of consciousness.

Awareness Heals  

By becoming more self-realized, we have access to greater amounts of manifestational power to shape our realities into what we desire because more of our life energy has returned to us through our illumination of it. Meaning, we have taken the time to accept who we are, even the darker aspects of our personality, hence shedding our light into it.  The parts of us that were asleep, awaken and get reintegrated into the whole of who we are.

As we do this, we purify ourselves.  The purer our intentions behind our desires, the quicker they manifest and the cleaner our results become.  Otherwise, we also manifest in our results what we failed to accept about ourselves and our results don’t lie.        

Without our greatest wounders being such obvious seeming “villains”, we’d never be shocked into waking out of our deep sleep.  The degree to which we are asleep, is the degree to which life forces us to awaken, sending us the appropriate life lesson to awaken with.  This unfortunate event that causes us to suffer, also puts the pressure on us to heal from the pain, hence be introduced to the opportunity to awaken.

If we see it for what it is, and use it to gain further consciousness we become the victor in our seeming misfortune.  If we continue to point the finger outwards, that entire event and all the pain that came with it misses its opportunity to be transmuted into success and becomes a complete waste of our energy.

My Real Life Examples of These Concept

My ex-boyfriend, who I broke up with in 2012, showed me my shadow side of being a teenager in a grownup's body.  Although, I saw him as the one with the inability to act his age, it was also me who had tons of self-discovery to do in that same arena.  

During the time of our break up, I was in denial of him being a clear reflection of me and my need to fully live out my teenage years.  After our breakup, I intuitively began to take lessons with a voice coach on exploring my shadow side.  During this period, I allowed my shadow side or what others would consider "bad", its full expression. I lived out my teenage desires and emotions during my early 30s. 

I rebelled, spoke out against societal norms.  I posted nudes on stagram.  I experimented with dating multiple people at the same time, refusing to be committed to one, and indulging in the whim of my immaturity.     

The root of this was because my parents died when I was 16 years old.  I couldn't be a teenager at that time and I became emotionally stunted.  I had teenage tendencies that were never fully explored.  So, by the time I turned 33, I was out of balance and I completely let loose and behaved exactly as a teenager would.

I accepted and forgave myself for acting out of age and allowed it to happen not only privately, but all over social media.  In fact this expedited my progress, and I am not encouraging it, just voicing my own experience. 

Of course, I was widely misunderstood.  However, because I found the courage not to care what people would think, my emotions were expressed, I got a chance to be healed and finally caught up to my current age, 37.   

Now, let's look at the flip side of this coin.  Although I acted very immaturely at the time, I had the seed of becoming wise beyond my years.  Today, you can witness the depth of my wisdom in anything I write or post.  It is self-evident because it is real.  To many, I am a source of truth because my work speaks of a life lived without shame and that is why you trust me.  I own who I am.  So....

Dear Magician,

Take a real look inside you and don’t be ashamed of the various aspects that make up who you are.  We all are ALL things. Talk about what hurts.  Start to turn your awareness towards what you are ashamed of. Look at those aspects of you without judgment.  Meaning sit with it, bring our own love and compassion into those feelings and forgive yourself. Then love yourself fully, meaning authentically express who you are without judgement.  Free yourself to be yourself.

Just the desire to find out what is hidden about you will lead you to the appropriate opportunities to gain greater awareness about the whole of who you are.  Remember that the Universe is always listening to you and at your service, just ask.

Lastly, don't judge the messengers, realize who they are, even if they have hurt you the most, they are your alley because they showed you YOU.


Talin Malekian