What are you avoiding by using language?
Funny question isn't it? You'd never think of asking yourself this unless maybe you tried a 10 day silent meditation.
Well, I did just that over a week ago in Downtown Los Angeles. The rules were that I’d remain in silence the whole time. If I broke my silence on accident or willingly, I’d promise to forgive myself and continue again until the 10 days were over.
I could communicate what I need via written notes and I could text message or email to communicate logistics. I could also make posts on instagram, but my posts were to remain the bulk of my communication during this time.
Did I break the rules? Yes. I did slip a word or two by accident in my first two days. I also mistakenly spoke once before falling asleep and I willingly spoke on a different day in order to find my backpack and passport. I also went on to write too many notes over a period of two days and I also learned the alphabet in sign language, which I used to communicate with my boyfriend here and there.
However, outside of all those major and minor slips, I did dive deep into the experiment otherwise, and I didn’t let it stand in my way from doing all kinds of activities in silence including spending New Year’s Eve in my silence at an event that included music and a drum circle. The point was for me to remain in silence, and there I was, perfectly muted, not a peep while drumming away.
Not being present with myself
Going back to to the question of what am I avoiding by using language, I’d say that I use it to not be present with myself.
Irrespective of how much I have made strides in the department of self love, I spend half my time not giving equally as much to myself as I so readily give to others. What I mean is that I don’t check in with myself to make sure I am happy inside. Through the use of language, I step outside of my power and try to help others too much because I empathize with their needs more than my own.
Now this isn’t entirely to be blamed on the use of language, as it is a pattern of mine, but the use of language amplifies this pattern and the use of silence cuts that shit out. Silence forced me to be in my stillness and non-reaction. I was reminded again that my power lies in my presence and that I shy away from it because it is truly powerful.
I use my presence to heal others through energy healing, yet I have never really used it to help me with my own guidance on a day to day basis. During my silent meditation, I learned to focus my presence and attention back inwards and check in with myself more often to be more in touch with my feelings and less willing to cross my own boundaries.
Silence helped me receive more
You can’t make room to receive if you are always giving. This is very typical of the female nature as we can be overly nurturing. However, because I had to do less during this time, I simply got more.
An example of this is how my sister and my friend got a chance to get a bit closer during this time without my direct involvement, but rather through my retraction into silence. I have always wanted to see them grow closer and have a good time together organically, but it never really happened except for when I was silent. I felt life was just waiting for me to drop all efforts so that it can show me how easily things can come together when I don’t push for it.
I also got more love and affection in person and on social media because I was quiet and naturally in my receiving state. My need to give to others started to dissipate as I trusted more in my presence and that it had the power to make them feel loved without me efforting. This meant that I could fully rely on just my presence to communicate who I am and how I feel about people.
Followers poured out their appreciation by commenting for the first time on my page on my silent meditation posts. I got my first online order for the clothing that I make during this time of silence.
I easily attracted to myself what I needed. For example, the first day, I ordered food at Sweet Greens in Downtown Los Angeles and my order ended up being swift and easy without me having to effort much to get my point across about not being able to speak and needing help. The lady who helped me was very accommodating to my needs, whereas before, this same lady was somewhat cold and borderline rude.
This support to help me stay on track with my silence was echoed in my environment whether it was my trainer at my gym supervising me while I trained in silence, my lyft drivers respecting my silence and not speaking to me, my energy healing client sharing a cup of tea with me after our healing session with him doing all the talking and sharing, my friend’s friends including me at their dinner plans even though I'd be silent, my boyfriend supporting me even though he disliked not being able to talk to me, and my sister supporting me by sharing that she too felt a shift inside herself towards feeling more peaceful with all of life, soon after I went into silence.
My experiences with being totally taken care of effortlessly by life continued as I meet my sister’s psychologist for the first time in 4 years at her jazz tribute. I expressed my overwhelming gratitude and love for her, in supporting my sister over the years, with just my hugs and tears, yet we both felt so fulfilled through our short yet heartfelt exchange.
I also managed to do a consignment deal with a jewelry store in Downtown Los Angeles for the book and jewelry piece I’ve created. The shop owner, Angelica, welcomed my silence and didn’t use it as a block to our communication. I had met with this lady a month prior, but we hadn’t discussed any details. However, we finalized the deal in my silence with a few written words from me and the help of my friend Lori who communicated a bit more on my behalf.
What these experiences taught me is that kindness speaks volumes even between two strangers. As I gained more trust in my experiment, I showed my non-speaking card less often and tried to get by by just being in my silence.
One night I had dinner by myself at Au LAc in downtown and I didn’t show my non-speaking card to the servers, but remained in the act of my silence like a character study. I had a great time and didn’t have to explain myself. My willingness to be completely in my silence anchored in a vibration I can practice and weave into more of my daily interactions. It is the vibration of full self-acceptance and surrender in life aiding me.
Silence removes the ego
Attracting what we want is suppose to be our natural state. We just have to get out of the way by not practicing the things that make us “feel” unworthy of receiving what we want. This feeling of unworthiness then lowers our vibration and stops the very thing we want from entering our experience.
Unworthiness can show up in our slightest interactions. I’m not talking about big obvious signs. I’m pointing to the subtle ways that are easily missed by us, but apparent to others. When we practice silence, these subtle qualities of unworthiness make themselves obvious to us and provide us with the opportunity to make the necessary shifts into a more self-empowered state.
In my opinion, most of the speaking we do helps to distract people from really getting to know us. Like I mentioned in my post, speaking needs to me used as a tool. Speaking removes so much from what our presence alone can communicate both powerfully and effortlessly.
In our silence we are unapologetic
When we are silent, people get to experience a more unapologetic version of us. People naturally want to serve someone who is congruent within themselves. When words don’t mask or contradict our presence we are quickly felt, understood and accepted.
My silence communicated self respect, self love and honoring my promise to myself to be silent. A lot of people were gravitating to these intangible qualities I was expressing because they wanted to emulate that state of being for themselves.
For me, honoring my self through self love meant that I slow down overall, I eat my food slowly, I don’t rush myself from leaving or entering a place, I am kind to myself, I pay attention to my feelings, I take good care of myself and hence, I teach others how I’d like to be treated. The best way to describe this is that my silence taught me to act a bit like royalty and get a higher level of respect.
Why are we saying what we are saying?
I realized I keep in conversation to gain control when I lack trust whether that is the lack of self-trust or not trusting another person or a situation. If I practice trusting myself, I naturally have less to say because I realize my control doesn't lie in controlling my outside environment through my communication and being understood, but by showing myself the highest honor through self love and as a result, the universe bends to reflect back to me how I treat myself, in the way that others begin to treat me.
This was completely evident during my silent meditation. The love and respect I held for myself was mirrored back to me through mostly everyone I came across.
I use language because I am also afraid of being misunderstood
The truth is, there is nothing to misunderstand about us. In time, everything reveals itself and the truth comes undone. The only person who can't wait and needs to be understood now is our ego. The real self has nothing to lose and is worry free.
It is possible to experience this worry free state and connect back to our real selves even while we are in the grip of our egos. All we have to do is allow ourselves to be misunderstood, not fight back and instead ask ourselves the question “who would I be if I didn’t have the need to be understood?”
As long as we remain in that question, we can then allow ourselves to feel for and find what this person would be like and then shift into that way of being. Someone who doesn’t need the validation of being understood is a mighty powerful person, be that.
So many times during my silence, I had to make peace with not being understood and in the end it really didn't matter because I was connected at the heart with most of the people I came across. Giving up having to explain ourselves saves a lot of vital energy and makes us more attractive and more of a fun and playful mystery to be held.
The night I broke my silence willingly to ask for help
I did completely break down in tears and anger on one of the nights when I felt deeply misunderstood by my boyfriend. This was the night I left my backpack and my passport at a pizzeria before going to the movies. The entire night I thought I had left my things at his place.
As we made our way back to the restaurant after finding out that I was missing my stuff, my boyfriend got upset with me for not feeling bad about losing my things. He couldn't understand how I refused to take blame and self reflect on why I lost my things.
I felt so incredibly misunderstood because all I could express was nodding yes or no and crying because I was being wrongfully reprimanded. I strongly dislike making myself feel like shit for something I didn't mean to do, such as losing my belongings.
Especially, when I'm doing my best to attract a positive outcome by focusing only on the vibration that I deserve to get my things back. If I focus on self blame, I'm pretty much cutting off my chances of manifesting my belongings back, which I did!
I was angry and crying because I got triggered from my past experiences as a child when I was made to feel bad about something I did when I felt the exact opposite, not being at fault. I felt misunderstood and forced to pay for something through punishment when all of me felt very strongly that I was not in the wrong.
That night, I was basically reliving my childhood. As soon as we got to the pizzeria, I had to break out of my silence and beg the security guard to search inside the lost and found to see if my stuff was there even though it was after hours. He finally agreed to help me and found my stuff. In turn, I got a chance to reflect on the scars of my childhood through this experience and release and heal from some of that energy by recognizing the similarity with my present experience.
My boyfriend also apologized for getting upset with me and understood my point about refusing to make myself feel bad about myself for any valid reason, which is different than taking responsibility for your actions. That I am always willing to do that, but I've learned to make the distinction to not feel like shit for it.
Our society is built on sustaining a deep lack of self trust in everyone
This is how our outdated institutions survive, such as our governments and health care systems. For this reason even when we do have personal awakenings, it is only sustained through sheer vigilance and continual practice of our new found belief systems and vibrations. Otherwise, a lack of self trust is rampant and encouraged by everyone around us unless they too are starting to awaken.
By practicing an equal amount of silence as speaking, we can break down many of the false masks we put on by having more purposeful or inspired conversations and connecting back to what feels true to us, rather than perpetuating the small talk, which I find to be completely pointless and empty. Even if at first this feels awkward to implement more silence with others, the rewards will quickly justify the discomfort.
Silence helps you tap into your primal state to reach God
I remember when I first met my boyfriend, Alejandro. We were masters at being in our silence together and only speaking when pinched to or in other words, inspired to.
This lead to a very deep connection between us which lead to incredibly fulfilling love making because we were able to access our vulnerability and creativity all in this same space of "being" completely ourselves, void of any inauthenticity. I got a chance to experience my most raw and uninhibited sexual expression with him because of the level of openness and honesty we each held within ourselves.
This primal state then reconnected us back to our divinity because that type of deep sexual connection experienced through our partner is part of our divine nature. When a man or a woman is prevented from connecting with their sex, they are prone to follow authoritative figures because they haven't yet awakened to the power of their sacredness as being one with God. Hence, they can easily be controlled because they don't yet have a strong sense of self and communion with their creator, so they fall victim to the control of man.
There is so much already in existence for us without our effort
On my first day, I felt the presence of a benevolent universe all around me. I had no choice but to cry at the sheer beauty of it. So much of life takes care of itself. There is a supreme design that begins to show itself when we are quiet.
Finally, silence opens us up to really seeing people’s stories being told all around us. If we sit in silence, we can see life happening. We get into a state of watching the greater narrative of our own life and that of others being played out as nothing short of a miracle. Try it and these words and far more this will become your experience.