Why I Didn't Really Get Into the Practice of Drawing 'Till I Was 30


I Was Overly Impressed With The Outside World

 I was young and too preoccupied with the world. I was overly impressed with what others did and found my self worth through comparison. If I could do what they did or top it, I was worthy.  This left no room for self discovery through an intimate process of being with myself.  In fact, being with myself was too scary and I avoided it at any cost by filling my reality with more of the outside world.  If I was to be with myself alone, I’d have to face my feelings and I wasn’t ready for that.

I also felt my talent for drawing was a nice attribute of mine, but unrelated to making money, let alone it being a part of my life’s purpose, which is to inspire others to follow their unique calling.  At that time, around the age of 17, I didn’t even know what my life’s purpose was, but felt it was a long way from discovery, let alone fulfillment.  


I Was Not In Touch With My Feelings

My search for meaning in life remained on the outside.  I didn't understand that I create my world from the inside out.  In order to create from the inside, I had to be alone with myself.  Alone time for the hurt to surface before the passion could.  They both reside in the same place and often times the hurt covers our passion, hiding it underneath.

Also, since I suffered from anxiety and was completely unaware of it, this forced me to constantly fill up my time with some kind of a “doing”, in my case, taking more classes in college and being in a constant search for the right mentor.


I Was Courageous So I Altered My Life

After some time, I felt myself in an uninspired and unhappy place.  I decided to completely change my life at the age of 24 by following my interests instead of doing what was expected of me and going to law school or something that was deemed "sensible".  I decided to pursue my creativity instead by taking photography and film classes at the Pasadena City College. I moved out of the city I grew up in and I also broke away from societal conditioning, meaning all that was familiar but holding me back, whether that was the influence of my ex-boyfriend at the time or the wrong group of friends that took me away from the voice inside, my true knowing for what was right for me.


I First Made Films

This life altering act brought me closer to finding who I am.  For three years I took all kinds of creative classes and started to make my own short films, “Mirror Box” in 2007 and “Venus vs. Mars” in 2010, which was inspired by Jay-Z’s song with the same title and got accepted to the Cannes Film Festival in 2011.   

However, as visionary as my films were, they still didn’t create a safe space for me to be with myself with the anxiety following me around and as a byproduct, I still wasn’t reaching the heart of my life’s work.  I was still outwardly focused for the meaning of life even though I was creating art from a real place.


Enters Meditation Into My Life

Upon being introduced to the practice of meditation that same year, I learned for the first time what it is like to feel good just for being alive.  Meditation put me in touch with the gift of life and feeling liberated from having to get someplace to feel good about myself.  I was happy being here in the now for no reason at all other than because I was alive.  Although that can sound cliché, it's something completely different once you experience it.

Meditation helped put me in touch with the now.  The now is a very magical space to be in.  From that space you can jump parallel realities and that is a big deal - meaning, you can shift the entire trajectory of your day based on how you use the NOW to change your thoughts. 

How do you change your thoughts?  Pick a better feeling thought than the one you are thinking right now.  Which thoughts ease your mind and make you feel good?  Choose those.  Go down a string of thoughts feeling slightly better, slightly better, till these thoughts inspire more positive thoughts and more positive thoughts.  Keep the momentum till you have reversed yourself out of the rut you were just sitting in.

Bottom line is, you are not your thoughts, you are the chooser of thoughts.  Choose the thoughts that serve you the most.   

What The Now Feels Like

So, how does this now feel?  For one, you will never know unless you do it, because it is entirely experiential, but it feels something like this:  

  • You feel good for no reason at all
  • You relax and realize you are more than everything that is happening to you
  • Nothing is of real significance  
  • You feel alive and aware of your beingness - being right here, right now
  • You access a space, an awareness that you can’t put words to describe  
  • It is just you experiencing the grandness of yourself
  • It feels ever expansive in all directions  


Meditation Unlocks Your Personal Genius 

It takes some time to put meditation to enough use to finally realize that you are a piece of God, and so godlike.  This means you have all the properties of God!  I’ll leave you to ponder that one.  

I believe that this kind of self realization can be shortened now-a-days because more people are starting to awaken so there is real magic in the air from the collective effort, which directly impacts your accessibility to a personal breakthrough.  

The bottom line is that you have greatness within you and until you can carve out the space for just you and you, the seed doesn’t have a chance to flourish.

When I started to carve out this time for meditation practice in my day for 20 mins, twice a day, it brought me closer and closer to who I am and completely unlocked my creativity and imagination.  I started to draw images after each meditation session for over a year and this lasted for 5 years till current day!  I don't have a shortage of imagination or a "drawing block", lol.  It is constantly flowing through me. 

The images would start with no preconception of what they were going to look like, and they would start and end in ink.  I never drew in pencil and made very few mistakes.  They were almost fully realized images just being transferred onto paper from my imagination.  You can scroll through my instagram or check my images out on our Art page on this website to get a sense.  


My Roots Mirrored My Current Day Devotion

When I was a little girl between the ages of 4-5, I would draw intensely focused, very much like how I do now, but at the age of 5 and a half my family migrated out of Iran and we moved to Switzerland for 3 years as refugees before coming to the United States.  A whole host of events added up to why I suddenly stopped drawing for nearly two decades.  

I did take a real life drawing class drawing nude models when I was 22 and a couple more art classes when I was 24.  However, I didn't start drawing with the same delight, focus and intensity until I was 30 and meditating.  From the age of 30 is when I really started to teach myself my own style of art and developed my skills. 


I Draw Directly From Source

All my drawings come from a pure source.  I tap into the force that creates all things through the practice of meditation and also mindfulness in knowing that I create my world from the inside out. I no longer get overly preoccupied with the world outside, I know my value lies within.  In some aspects it has made me a hermit, haha.  I am in practice of achieving my balance currently with spending enough time with myself and the rest of the world.

Meditation Slows Life Down For You To Grasp It

This meditation practice also went on to change my entire life.  That is a story to be continued in another post.  For now, find a mediation practice you like and just start to meditate on the daily to quiet the world around.  Get in touch with yourself through this time of solitude and start finding your life’s purpose in this elaborate maze called life. It is quite simple, meditate so you relax enough to do what you love.  


You Will Find Your Own Technique 

My meditation technique is transcendental meditation.  If you look up "Release Technique Meditation" on youtube, you will find a man who teaches transcendental meditation.  You can replace the word "release" with a mantra of your choice or select one from the list of transcendental meditation mantras depending on your age category.  The list of mantras is easily found on google as well. 

There are many other meditation techniques to choose from. Ask the Universe to set you up with a little rendezvous for the one that is right for you, and before you know it, you’ll find your style of meditation!    


Talin Malekian